Wow – What a Night – Pain, Pain, Pain

What You See Is Not Necessarily What You Get

It’s been almost 5 months since this all began. Even though I am very tired of it and ready for it to be over so I could get on with my life, I know that’s not up to me.

Last evening was something else again. I’m not sure I’ve experienced that much pain since this began before I had any medication.

I was doing my normal evening thing – sitting in my recliner with my cut out shirt and ice on my back. Work had been longer than usual and the rubbing of my shirt was bothersome all day even though I used my “tens” pretty much all day. But once I sat down, things were ok(ish). But about 45 minutes after I took the tramadol (I usually have to take it 2 hours before I’m ready to go to bed – it takes that long to work), the sharp pain started. I used pressure in the chair and that didn’t work (usually it will). So I eventually got up off the chair and went to my other computer (stand up) and man, that was probably a mistake. The “Cattle Branding” as I call it kept coming about every 3o seconds – feeling like I was either being branded  or stabbed with the knife end stuck deep and twisted around. It was the worst I’ve had since this whole thing started (guess I said that already – sorry).  I was actually screaming – since I live alone I don’t have to worry about someone in the house calling the cops. I do have to worry about neighbors hearing me since I think I was that loud.

It kept coming and coming so I gave in and took an extra tramadol. Am I a drug addict or drug dependent? Not yet and I hope that doesn’t happen.

As I write this, the pain has returned – I hope I can make it through the day.

What I meant by the subtitle of this post is that you all don’t see what it’s like to be inside this pain. To go through the day having to watch how you move, whether you can sit or not, what you’re wearing and whether it will rub on your back and start the “firing’ or not, etc. The pain is exhausting and debilitating and there’s not a damn thing you can do except take more medications.  Please don’t think that I’m all better. Believe me, I will let you know when I am. And don’t think “gees, is she ever going to stop complaining” because I try very hard not to complain. My life is nothing right now and it’s  a very miserable existence.

Thanks for listening


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6 thoughts on “Wow – What a Night – Pain, Pain, Pain

  1. Terrie
    Nancy’s aunt must have had the same affliction that you have described. She would holler due to the pain also. Her pain would come and go in waves. She would have a small time of respite and then the pain would come back. Medication was the only way she finally got over it. So don’t worry about the yellington it is warrented.

    • Vern,
      everything you describe is what i experience. The waves and the tiny bit of respite and then bang. i have never yelled in pain before, not even with fractures. but then maybe i haven’t had much pain. but this is something I just can’t endure. i think still that people think i’m a wimp for not doing the tennessee run but going for a 5 mile walk is agony after 2 miles when it starts in again. so there’s no way i could even think of 314 miles nor could I possibly endure the pack on my back. thanks for understanding.

  2. Thanks for sharing your stories. For some reason its good to know people are finding a way to still live with the pain. I went from running, climbing, and riding my motorcycle everyday to just trying to get through the day and take my shirt off as often as possible so that nothing is touching me. My pain is like the worst sunburn all over my left torso. Hugs are gone from my life. DO NOT touch me! I get irritable and angry and I too am trying not to take too many pills for fear of addiction. I have looked in the mirror at my normal looking skin hundreds of times. I just cannot believe this pain is real.

    Again, thank you for sharing.

    • Mike
      thanks for posting your comment. As I read it, I was right in your life. If I were a guy I would also take my shirt off as often as possible. As soon as i get home I don my “homeless” shirt – big hole in the back. Of course I can’t go out like that so my travels after work are few and far between and certainly are not any fun. I’ve had to travel on a plane once already and will have to go again in August (for work) and it was horrible – between clothes and the seat back. And wearing my tens got me stopped by TSA too. I know exactly what you’re going through and you are NOT alone….even though that doesn’t really help. I just hope to help others who don’t know what we’re going through understand us better perhaps.
      Take care and thanks again

      • Thank you.

        I’m gonna look into that Tens device this weekend and see if that can help me a bit. Keep sharing your successes!

  3. Mike,
    here’s a link for one of the Healthmate Forever TENS units I have:
    it might help, it might not but it’s only $50.00 and I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent a whole lot more on “try this, it worked for me” products.
    I hope it helps you some anyway – it’s the only thing that lets me get thru the day at work